Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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