I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
