I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
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Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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