I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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