She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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