Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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