The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
