Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
