I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
