by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
