You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
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hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
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we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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