I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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