doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
