It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
