I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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