he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
