dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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