So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
