i permit you to call me
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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