the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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