Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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