I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
