Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
