i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
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