Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Randomize