he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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