Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
