I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
the gays at disneyland are vicious
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
