I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
