yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
