Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
