she looked like the bat from fern gully.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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