I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
