am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
