I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
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