the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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