i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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