Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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