An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
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