Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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