Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
