Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
