So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
