Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
