I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
