So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
