and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
