i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
