worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
