If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
