So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
He passed out mid-signature
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I'm always down for nudity.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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