dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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