Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.