I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.