yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
whose parrot is this?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
