Texts From Last Night

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  (802): View more from Vermont

  it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear

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  (802): it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear http://tfl.nu/jyif
  Replies (2) Good night (1931) Bad night (669)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants

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  (816): I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants http://tfl.nu/4wl5
  Replies (40) Good night (4636) Bad night (584)
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  (716): View more from New York

  Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her

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  (716): Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her http://tfl.nu/fzg2
  Replies (5) Good night (845) Bad night (3693)
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  (857): View more from Massachusetts

  I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?

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  (857): I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars? http://tfl.nu/0mdx
  Replies (56) Good night (26707) Bad night (1805)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes

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  (419): I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes http://tfl.nu/4b4j
  Replies (16) Good night (7929) Bad night (775)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.

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  (734): I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel. http://tfl.nu/6ex0
  Replies (8) Good night (970) Bad night (1979)
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  Go back and try to find another to go home with.

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  (501): Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders? (501): Go back and try to find another to go home with. http://tfl.nu/r0ix
  Replies (9) Good night (2509) Bad night (662)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.

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  (720): Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad. http://tfl.nu/6s4w
  Replies (4) Good night (605) Bad night (1018)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?

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  (757): Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes? http://tfl.nu/b8rs
  Replies (40) Good night (1008) Bad night (2284)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?

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  (817): Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one? http://tfl.nu/bc4f
  Replies (3) Good night (534) Bad night (292)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(

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  (406): I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :( http://tfl.nu/1rqk
  Replies (6) Good night (297) Bad night (688)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  that happened

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  (508): Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing? (603): that happened http://tfl.nu/dxuy
  Replies (1) Good night (317) Bad night (463)
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  (710): View more from

  It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.

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  (710): It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse. http://tfl.nu/ozwb
  Replies (1) Good night (528) Bad night (302)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  Gotcha. How bad is it?

  (631): View more from New York

  Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon

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  (516): Gotcha. How bad is it? (631): Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon http://tfl.nu/6gkd
  Replies (1) Good night (268) Bad night (526)
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  (316): View more from Kansas

  Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?

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  (316): Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night? http://tfl.nu/lra9
  Replies (1) Good night (384) Bad night (218)

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