Having a random hookup so left but love u
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
