I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
