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• (631): View more from New York

  Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him

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• (774): View more from Massachusetts

  So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.

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• (541): View more from Oregon

  I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people

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• (614): View more from Ohio

  Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out

  (574): View more from Indiana

  You never cease to amaze me.

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  27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst

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• (304): View more from West Virginia

  He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.

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• (503): View more from Oregon

  Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.

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• (904): View more from Florida

  Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.

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• (856): View more from New Jersey

  i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.

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• (909): View more from California

  Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions

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  These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients

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• (515): View more from Iowa

  At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.

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• (770): View more from Georgia

  I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot

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• (360): View more from Washington

  A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".

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• (419): View more from Ohio

  dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me

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• (757): View more from Virginia

  I think I met my butt stuff soulmate

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