From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
