i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
