If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
