I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
