I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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