So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Randomize
