Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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