Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
