im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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