im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
