I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
