I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
